Not to Plan
by SilverTurtle
Summary: Lilah has screwed up once again, but this time the Senior Partners want her head. What else could go wrong? Warning: strong language, cursing, swearing, naughty words
1. Chapter 1

**Not to Plan**

**********

_Shit. Shit, shit, shit_, was all Lilah Morgan could think as she hurriedly walked away from the burning wreckage of yet another spectacularly failed project to gain more power for the demonic law firm Wolfram & Hart. _The Senior Partners are not going to like this. Fuck. _

Angel and his crew had once again busted into her operations and killed a majority of those involved and preventing Lilah from making the deal that would have garnered the firm a solid foothold in this dimension. Lilah wasn't sure if Angel's gang knew she had been involved yet, but she was betting that when they did discover that mess was hers they'd be coming after her guns blazing. _I have to get out of here_, she thought to herself. _I need to lay low for a while, let this entire thing blow over. Then, when things calm down, I can make a triumphant return…now I just have to think of a plan that will make that return triumphant._

_But fuck_, she thought, _I am so sick of those goody two-shoes butting in and ruining all my best work. What does it take to shut them down and let the megalomaniacal firm take over the world? Really? What is it going to take? _

Her thoughts were rudely interrupted by the loud ringing of her cell phone. She knew that ring tone, though she'd never heard it from her phone before. _The Senior Partners. Shit._ "Good evening," she said into her phone as she flipped it open.

"Miss Morgan," she heard the ethereal voices of the demonic powers over the line say, "you've failed us. _Again_." Nope, they were definitely not pleased. Lilah felt fear, the first real fear she'd ever felt since joining the firm, take root in her gut. This is not how she wanted her first contact with them to be. She had hoped to make a good impression.

"I can explain, sirs," Lilah began reasonably.

"We're tired of excuses, Miss Morgan," those ghastly voices intoned, "You've failed us for the last time."

_Oh fuck_. Lilah knew what that meant. That meant that her time was limited and rapidly dwindling.

"This is just a courtesy call, Miss Morgan. You are no longer in our employ. We suggest you settle your affairs." Nothing more was said and the dial tone came through loud and clear.

_Goddammit all to hell!_ Lilah thought. _I know too much. They'll never let me get away clean. Shit. They've probably already sent out their assassins. Fuck. What now? What now? Maybe if I run to Angel's crew they'll protect me_…she had to scoff at herself, as if Angel would ever protect _her_. She'd been the cause of a majority of their problems for the last few years. They would not forgive her, and there's no guarantee that they'd even believe her if she did go to them.

That left one option. Run.

But she knew already that no matter how far or how fast she ran, the Senior Partners would have her head. They always won in the end. They had nearly limitless resources to send after her and they were immortal. And she was only one weak human after all. There's no way she'd be able to keep ahead of demon assassins for long. She might be able to get herself another day, maybe, if she left immediately and didn't stop for any reason. She knew it wouldn't work, but she refused to accept her fate quietly. The least she could do is lose them some valuable business before she died.

She readied her phone, but before she could make any calls to former clients shadows detached themselves from the walls of the alley around her. She was surrounded before she realized it.

An unusually perky voice spoke from directly in front of her, "Look boys, it's a meal on heels."

Lilah looked up sharply into the vamped out face of a short blonde while the male vampires around her dutifully laughed menacingly.

_Fan-fucking-tastic_, Lilah thought, _just what I needed. Why do they think they're all so clever? 'Meal on heels', she's probably pretty proud of that one_. "Look, Vampire Barbie, I don't have time to play with you tonight. Move along before I get upset." She was all bluff and they all knew it.

The lead vamp smirked at her, "The name's Harmony." Her voice disgustingly perky, "Let's be friends," she hissed as she slithered towards Lilah prepared to take a bite.

Suddenly a loud pop echoed from behind Lilah and Harmony paused mere centimeters from her neck, where her pulse was racing. The vamp looked over Lilah's shoulder to one of her goons with a frown plastered firmly on her face.

"Joel," she said sweetly, a note of menace lacing her tone, "what have I told you about bubblegum?"

Joel, the hapless fool, looked confused for a moment before he replied dumbly, "Don't chew it unless I have enough for everyone…And never pop it during your dramatic moments."

"Right," Harmony replied, falsely bright, "Did you bring enough for everyone?"

Joel shook his head slowly, looking like a chastened little boy, "No, sire."

"Then spit it out," the blonde vamp commanded. When he puckered his lips to obey Harmony screeched, "In a trash can! We're vampires not litter bugs! Gross!"

_Great,_ Lilah thought, _not only am I going to die tonight. I don't even get to be killed by a skilled demonic assassin sent by the Senior Partners. I'm going to be eaten by this environmentally conscious vampire bimbo and her failed frat boy crew. Just fucking great_. _What the hell did I ever do to deserve this?_ Then she remembered she'd tried to help demons take over the world and kill off all of humanity…many times. All for the faint chance that those demons may let her live and give her a mere taste of power. _Well fuck this, _Lilah mentally spat.

She tried to make a break for it while Harmony was distracted with her minions, only to be snagged before going three steps. The look Harmony gave her was full of pity. _Well, shit. You had to know you were truly pathetic when a vamp as lame as this one pitied you. Fucking swell_.

_That was it. That was just fucking it!_ Lilah was sick and tired of being pushed around by demons. _The fuckers can't even stand sunlight. How all powerful could they be? _It was then she realized she'd been playing for the wrong team for too long. She should have been _protecting_ humanity; she was a part of it after all. She wanted the chance to make amends, to take back all the evil she'd done. She tried to struggle, but it was ineffectual. She had no weapons and no strength to speak of. She was done for.

"Where did you think you were going?" the blonde bimbo asked her curiously, like a cat toying with a mouse.

Lilah cursed herself when she felt tears prick her eyes and trickle down her cheeks, she spoke in a quavering voice, "I-I don't want to—to die." She realized as she said it that it was true. She wasn't ready yet. She knew she was going to Hell. Knew for a fact that Hell existed; several Hells actually. And what was left of her withered soul was going to one of them. She was irredeemable. It was a painful realization, learning that you'd worked all your life towards one goal so you could have a taste of power only to discover that in the end you never really got that taste and never would. _I've wasted my life. I should have joined Wesley when I could have. At least I'd have been getting laid._

"Poor thing," Harmony cooed at her, "I really feel for you."

A glimmer of hope blossomed in Lilah's heart, the heart she'd long thought dead, "Does that mean you'll let me go?"

"Oh, no!" Harmony said, almost apologetically, "See. I'm trying to build my reputation. And the way to do that is to rack up a lot of kills. You're dead meat!" she finished brightly.

_FUCK!_ Lilah couldn't imagine this airhead was going to kill her. _At the very least_, she thought, _I deserve to be killed by a real fucking vampire! Not this half-assed vampire Barbie._ _I'd rather be killed by whatever demon the Senior Partners send after me than sired by this blockhead. Not that I have a choice now. Damn it!_

"Lovely," Lilah said sarcastically, but it went right over Harmony's head.

"Great!" the chipper vampire said, "Let's get started!" With that said Harmony pulled Lilah's back flush against her front, yanked Lilah's hair from her neck and bit down with a squelch.

Lilah screamed in agony. _It can't end like this! Being sucked dry by this pathetic excuse for a vampire! I deserve to be dismembered by a stronger demon, surely. For all the evil I've done. But no, I get the happiest little vampire in the city. She probably fucking farts rainbows. Bitch. I'm probably more evil than this pest could ever be. Damn it! I deserve better! Where the fuck is a goddamned Fyarl demon when you need one?_

_Shit. And I didn't even get to make a dent in the Senior Partners' client list. Fuck a succubus. This is just ridiculous. _

As Lilah's world went black she heard Harmony say, "Leave her where others can find her. She'll be a good message that this is my turf. The new ruthless Harmony has arrived."

Alone, furious, and unfulfilled, she died.

**********

THE END


	2. Alternate Ending

**Not to Plan**

**********

_Shit. Shit, shit, shit_, was all Lilah Morgan could think as she hurriedly walked away from the burning wreckage of yet another spectacularly failed project to gain more power for the demonic law firm Wolfram & Hart. _The Senior Partners are not going to like this. Fuck. _

Angel and his crew had once again busted into her operations and killed a majority of those involved and preventing Lilah from making the deal that would have garnered the firm a solid foothold in this dimension. Lilah wasn't sure if Angel's gang knew she had been involved yet, but she was betting that when they did discover that mess was hers they'd be coming after her guns blazing. _I have to get out of here_, she thought to herself. _I need to lay low for a while, let this entire thing blow over. Then, when things calm down, I can make a triumphant return…now I just have to think of a plan that will make that return triumphant._

_But fuck_, she thought, _I am so sick of those goody two-shoes butting in and ruining all my best work. What does it take to shut them down and let the megalomaniacal firm take over the world? Really? What is it going to take? _

Her thoughts were rudely interrupted by the loud ringing of her cell phone. She knew that ring tone, though she'd never heard it from her phone before. _The Senior Partners. Shit._ "Good evening," she said into her phone as she flipped it open.

"Miss Morgan," she heard the ethereal voices of the demonic powers over the line say, "you've failed us. _Again_." Nope, they were definitely not pleased. Lilah felt fear, the first real fear she'd ever felt since joining the firm, take root in her gut. This is not how she wanted her first contact with them to be. She had hoped to make a good impression.

"I can explain, sirs," Lilah began reasonably.

"We're tired of excuses, Miss Morgan," those ghastly voices intoned, "You've failed us for the last time."

_Oh fuck_. Lilah knew what that meant. That meant that her time was limited and rapidly dwindling.

"This is just a courtesy call, Miss Morgan. You are no longer in our employ. We suggest you settle your affairs." Nothing more was said and the dial tone came through loud and clear.

_Goddammit all to hell!_ Lilah thought. _I know too much. They'll never let me get away clean. Shit. They've probably already sent out their assassins. Fuck. What now? What now? Maybe if I run to Angel's crew they'll protect me_…she had to scoff at herself, as if Angel would ever protect _her_. She'd been the cause of a majority of their problems for the last few years. They would not forgive her, and there's no guarantee that they'd even believe her if she did go to them.

That left one option. Run.

But she knew already that no matter how far or how fast she ran, the Senior Partners would have her head. They always won in the end. They had nearly limitless resources to send after her and they were immortal. And she was only one weak human after all. There's no way she'd be able to keep ahead of demon assassins for long. She might be able to get herself another day, maybe, if she left immediately and didn't stop for any reason. She knew it wouldn't work, but she refused to accept her fate quietly. The least she could do is lose them some valuable business before she died.

She readied her phone, but before she could make any calls to former clients shadows detached themselves from the walls of the alley around her. She was surrounded before she realized it.

An unusually perky voice spoke from directly in front of her, "Look boys, it's a meal on heels."

Lilah looked up sharply into the vamped out face of a short blonde while the male vampires around her dutifully laughed menacingly.

_Fan-fucking-tastic_, Lilah thought, _just what I needed. Why do they think they're all so clever? 'Meal on heels', she's probably pretty proud of that one_. "Look, Vampire Barbie, I don't have time to play with you tonight. Move along before I get upset." She was all bluff and they all knew it.

The lead vamp smirked at her, "The name's Harmony." Her voice disgustingly perky, "Let's be friends," she hissed as she slithered towards Lilah prepared to take a bite.

Suddenly a loud pop echoed from behind Lilah and Harmony paused mere centimeters from her neck, where her pulse was racing. The vamp looked over Lilah's shoulder to one of her goons with a frown plastered firmly on her face.

"Joel," she said sweetly, a note of menace lacing her tone, "what have I told you about bubblegum?"

Joel, the hapless fool, looked confused for a moment before he replied dumbly, "Don't chew it unless I have enough for everyone…And never pop it during your dramatic moments."

"Right," Harmony replied, falsely bright, "Did you bring enough for everyone?"

Joel shook his head slowly, looking like a chastened little boy, "No, sire."

"Then spit it out," the blonde vamp commanded. When he puckered his lips to obey Harmony screeched, "In a trash can! We're vampires not litter bugs! Gross!"

_Great,_ Lilah thought, _not only am I going to die tonight. I don't even get to be killed by a skilled demonic assassin sent by the Senior Partners. I'm going to be eaten by this environmentally conscious vampire bimbo and her failed frat boy crew. Just fucking great_. _What the hell did I ever do to deserve this?_ Then she remembered she'd tried to help demons take over the world and kill off all of humanity…many times. All for the faint chance that those demons may let her live and give her a mere taste of power. _Well fuck this, _Lilah mentally spat.

She tried to make a break for it while Harmony was distracted with her minions, only to be snagged before going three steps. The look Harmony gave her was full of pity. _Well, shit. You had to know you were truly pathetic when a vamp as lame as this one pitied you. Fucking swell_.

_That was it. That was just fucking it!_ Lilah was sick and tired of being pushed around by demons. _The fuckers can't even stand sunlight. How all powerful could they be? _It was then she realized she'd been playing for the wrong team for too long. She should have been _protecting_ humanity; she was a part of it after all. She wanted the chance to make amends, to take back all the evil she'd done. She tried to struggle, but it was ineffectual. She had no weapons and no strength to speak of. She was done for.

"Where did you think you were going?" the blonde bimbo asked her curiously, like a cat toying with a mouse.

Lilah cursed herself when she felt tears prick her eyes and trickle down her cheeks, she spoke in a quavering voice, "I-I don't want to—to die." She realized as she said it that it was true. She wasn't ready yet. She knew she was going to Hell. Knew for a fact that Hell existed; several Hells actually. And what was left of her withered soul was going to one of them. She was irredeemable. It was a painful realization, learning that you'd worked all your life towards one goal so you could have a taste of power only to discover that in the end you never really got that taste and never would. _I've wasted my life. I should have joined Wesley when I could have. At least I'd have been getting laid._

"Die?" Harmony asked aghast, "I wouldn't do that to you."

A glimmer of hope blossomed in Lilah's heart, the heart she'd long thought dead, "You mean you'll let me go?"

"Oh, no!" Harmony said, almost apologetically, "See. I'm trying to build my reputation. And the way to do that is to get a big posse. So I'm going to sire you!" she finished brightly.

_FUCK!_ Lilah couldn't imagine this airhead being her sire. _At the very least_, she thought, _I deserve to be killed by a real fucking vampire! Not this half-assed vampire Barbie._ _I'd rather be killed by whatever demon the Senior Partners send after me than sired by this blockhead. Not that I have a choice now. Damn it!_

"Lovely," Lilah said sarcastically, but it went right over Harmony's head.

"Great!" the chipper vampire said, "It'll be nice to have another girl around. Let's get started!" With that said Harmony pulled Lilah's back flush against her front, yanked Lilah's hair from her neck and bit down with a squelch.

Lilah screamed in agony. _It can't end like this! Being sucked dry by this pathetic excuse for a vampire! I deserve to be dismembered by a stronger demon, surely. For all the evil I've done. But no, I get the happiest little vampire in the city. She probably fucking farts rainbows. Bitch. I'm probably more evil than this pest could ever be. Damn it! I deserve better! Where the fuck is a goddamned Fyarl demon when you need one?_

_Shit. And I didn't even get to make a dent in the Senior Partners' client list. Fuck a succubus. This is just ridiculous. _

When Harmony had nearly drained her completely she pulled away and bit her own wrist, then forced some of the blood between Lilah's unresisting lips.

As Lilah's world went black she heard Harmony say, "Take her back to the nest boys. We don't want to have to dig her up later." Then she died.

*****

When she woke, it was dark and she was ravenously hungry.

"Well, hello sunshine!" Lilah knew that chipper voice. _Harmony. My sire_, she thought distastefully.

Then she thought, _fuck! I'm a vampire! That just means the Senior Partners get the chance to kill me. Again! Damn it straight to the Powers That Be. What the fuck? This is so not fair! But hey, they don't know I'm already dead. They don't know I'm a vampire! I still have a chance for revenge!_

A slow smirk spread across Lilah's now demonic visage. Harmony looked at her worriedly for a moment before dismissing that look as joy at being a new vampire, with all the attendant strengths and powers.

"Hungry?" Harmony asked.

"Starving," Lilah purred at her sire, feeling warmed by the vengeful thoughts she was having. The Senior Partners would never see her coming.

"Well, good. Then this hobo won't go to waste," Harmony said, motioning some of her boys to drag the unconscious man forward.

Lilah fed. And she enjoyed it.

She listened to Harmony giving instructions with half an ear, her attention focused when the blonde vampire said "And you have to call me sire. Because that's what I am to you."

Finished with her meal, Lilah's predatory smirk returned, "So, sire, how would you like a taste of power?"

Harmony looked like all her dreams were coming true, "I'm listening…"

**********

THE END


End file.
